Daily Dish: The Lost Episodes

I opened my email one fine day and found a wonderful present: two unpublished Daily Dish articles from Aaron Pewtherer. He has written some of my favorite editions of the Dish, as I have mentioned on my Rants and Raves page. What follows are the contents of that message.

Hi Webmistress,

Recently, I had one of those, "verify your existence on the web" moments. I was surprised as Google revealed "Rants and Raves" as the lone anomaly. I love when people read my work, and then give me feedback. I didn't get very much in the talkback section of the Dish, hence, I was surprised by yours.

Unfortunately, I don't write for the Dish anymore because I no longer work for TechTV. I am now working as a freelance graphics operator for CBS and ABC in San Francisco. I would like someday to concentrate my energy into writing full-time, but bills, they'z got to be paid.

Here are two articles I wrote that TSS never published. I thought you, or your readers might enjoy them.

Regards,

Aaron Pewtherer

#1

Behind the Scenes of Behind the Scenes of The Screen Savers

The companion article to "Meet The Studio Crew"

by Aaron Pewtherer

I took on a project one day because I wasn’t happy. It wasn’t a monumental unhappiness, it was just a "hang nail that wouldn’t go away" kind of unhappiness. I blamed others first, realized that no one was listening to me, and settled on blaming myself. My pain was with the "Meet the Studio Crew" [article] on the TSS website, and how it was horribly out of date. Actually, the only part that mattered to me was that my name was spelled incorrectly. Denial grew into acceptance and then back into denial. I must have been descended from an ostrich because I just buried my head in the sand and figured there was nothing I could do about it. I also thought I could fly. I knew I was at least wrong on one of those. I was out to find which one.

The first step was to email a simple questionnaire all of my Savers peeps. I propagated each email with the subject heading, "it’s OUR time now." I reminded the crew that its presence on the web is currently, wholly, and universally pathetic. I figured people would reply to me in droves but, after two whole days, I had a received only a whopping three responses. I’m not one to vent uncontrollably or line people up for a much needed smacking (I forgot my non-marking gloves anyway), so instead, I sent out a second email. This time, I used a little more direct, compassionate approach. It read: "Fill this out and send it back to me. Please, please, please." It paid off a dividends because I received another two responses!

I began to blame myself. Is it me? Do I instill hostility from my constituents? What part of "it’s OUR time" did I not fully communicate? Nevertheless, I was about to give in and only post the five responses to the web, when I asked myself, "would I be publishing this just to punish the lazy, and force them to loathe those who would be amassing great fanfare because of their representation on the web?" yup. Thankfully, I called myself into action, and proclaimed that the new "Meet the Studio Crew" page was going to be stocked with specs sheets of ALL of my people. The task was going to be accomplished if I had to use a combination of glue, a pen nd a copy of John Tesh on vinyl at full volume. It was a success! Thanks John.

In conclusion, it was a good learning experience for me. I got to know more about my co-workers, and, more importantly, their breaking points. Ironically, acquiring information from other people was the easy part. Having to fill out the questionnaire myself. . .that was such a pain. I didn’t know what to say! Oh well, at least my name will be spelled right.

#2

Close Your Eyes As We Bring You the Screen Savers

by Aaron Pewtherer

Things are fast and furious before every Savers show. As show time draws near, fear appears to grip the producers as they mumble to themselves, "how are we going to make it through this one?" Then, all eyes and attention converge to the sudden presence of the two commandos on the floor. Leo’s gray hair smokes, as its inner machinery churns. Patrick’s muscular forearms pulsate rhythmically as successive elements are somberly stated with perfect diction. The on-air lights are dark, but earnest efforts are made from the hosts to extrude honesty and dignity to the cameras. But, they both know that seriousness is futile, because the show is an hour away, and this is just rehearsal.

These seasoned veterans know their tested talents will shine once again for the umpteenth time when it is truly called upon. It appears that they just want to have a little fun. I say that I am throughly entertained, and do my best to savor it. I am only slightly perplexed by their carefree nonchalance and overpowering ambivelence before their monsterous prime time show. But hey, that’s their progative, my job is to hold the camera still so you can't tell I'm laughing hysterically.

During rehearsal, the two media heavyweights dance around the set jabbing each other with punishing rhetoric and dizzing absurdity. They try in earnest to throw each other out of rhythm. I giggle, yet the man with the stop watch remains stoic. He can’t seem to struggle out even a grin amidst the chaotic scene, drenched in hilarity, before him.

Items scheduled for rehearsal are assigned an exact time. Actually, you could even take the word, "exact" and replace it with "arbitrary," but that wouldn't even give it justice. We are on LeoPat-time and the people in Greenwich can just bite us! In fact, archeologists had once tried to dig up the last time a Savers rehearsal went as scheduled. They realized their efforts were hopeless, picked up their spades and went on home.

It’s the Savers baby! Brasher than your Aunt Beatrice demanding you have another slice of her Rhubarb pie, and more entertaining than the Britney Spears' "growth spurt." Entertaining with technology, who whoulda thunk it?

During the show, it purs. During rehearsal, it has less harmony than a backyard BBQ singing of Happy Birthday after the punch went mysteriously quickly. Oh yeah, did I mention that rehearsal is my very favorite part of the show?

Picture of the culprit, er, I mean author

Aaron Pewtherer's previous Daily Dish Articles:
Surreal Shakespearian Hardware
World, It Is 'Five' Who Brings You Leo
Meet the 'Screen Savers' Set